July 5th,

I always gonna feel home in the forest where I feel that I belong their is no dount about it. After 2months in the desert of California and it certainly feel good to be back in this lushious green.

But, when I woke up the third and started to walk, the enthusiasm or the drive wasn’t there anymore. My depression might be part of it but my body and mind felt heavier than the mountains that surrounded me. Every steps lacked of any energy. Presenting my trailname to other hikers felt empty of its meaning.

Somehow in the desert, no matter if I was hiking on my own or not, I knew some people were behind me or in front of me. I knew a lot of them and I never know on which one I will  stumble upon or the one that will stumble on me. It was like a little family and it was a great feeling to reconnect with them at the next campsite or town. Out here as no one are here yet it doesn’t have that feeling. The trail name seems meaningful in this little community.

When I woke up yesterday morning, it took me a long time to get out of my sleeping bag and packing my backpack was as bad as cleaning my bedroom when I was a kid.

I made the 5miles to get to a dirt road that I learnt yesterday that I could catch a ride to Trout Lake. When I got there, I felt a certain joy to know that I was going in a town. Something of hope in me kindle of desire to go home now. Those 5miles to get there felt longer than the very first 29miles I did couple months ago.

I walked for 3hrs on that dirt road before someone decided to give me a ride to town. It was 15th that it passed by.

At Trout Lake, I met Tim a sobo hiker. He attempted to get the Canadian border from Hat Pass and he had to abandon 17miles away from it due to the snow and he fell multiple times some 100 200ft in this attempt.

He turned around and hiked south. Same stories as for Sierras, Northern California, Oregon, to much snow. Insanely difficult. Crazy stories of survival. Where I came out at the dirt road, about 6 or7 miles in, the trail is cover in snow.

Im bummed out and exhausted by this snow even if I didn’t hike any of it. 2years to get here and choose the wrong year to be out here.

Im heading to Portland today. Get new shoes. Then what? Home? Where is home? Neither I feel to be here neither in nature neither home.

So what and where?


0 thoughts on “But…”

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